Anyone who thinks that mothers who are at home with their kids during the day have it easy is dead wrong and has clearly never tended to young children 24/7 for any stretch of time.
I’m working from home because I didn’t want to leave my baby in daycare. I had no idea what being a mother would be like. I had no idea what working from home and running a business would be like. I have never known one without the other.
My girls have grown up with me tapping on my laptop within earshot of them and I’ve always hoped that the fact that I’m here with them would be a comfort of some sort. I’ve always hoped they would grow up oblivious to my stress levels over looming deadlines and frustration with jumping up five times in a five minute span to fetch snacks/dresses/toys/crowns/shoes/clean up a puddle/buckle a shoe/find a doll etc. and would remember me taking breaks to play with them and blowing off work at 2 in the afternoon to walk to the ice cream store together.
I hoped that taking my work out to the back deck and setting the girls up at the sandbox, slathered with sunscreen, would make them feel lucky one day – that their mom did her work around them (which she does) because they’re the priority. They are the reason I do this.
Tuesday Shelby turned three. We had dinner, we had a little cake, she blew out the candles. We sang happy birthday. Yesterday Casey turned five. We had dinner, we had another little cake, she blew out the candles. We sang happy birthday. We did this even though there will be a joint party on Saturday morning because I feel they each deserve their own special day.
After Casey blew out her candles last night I asked her what she wished. She said…
“I wish that when I grow up and have little kids that I won’t have to work all the time and I can play with them whenever they want.”
And then my heart broke into a million little pieces.
Jason tried to console me and tell me that she’s just too young to understand that I am doing my best…but it didn’t help. I felt like a giant shit and I still do. See, it would almost be better if I left to go to work for an 8 hour day because then she wouldn’t have to look at me here in the same room as her wondering why I can’t play.
I laid awake last night thinking of something I could do that might be a good compromise.
Today I’ve scheduled two play breaks into my day. I’ll take one 20-minute break at 10 and I’ll take another 20-minute break around 2pm.
It’s the best I can do.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Jaime Lee, everything you do is the best you can do. Your children are having a wonderful up-bringing, one whose memories they will fall back on someday in the future. Trust me, and all the other Nannies out there, our lives are riddled with guilt for one reason or another, you might as well get used to it. Work at home, hire an in-home sitter, daycare, who wins?
Your girls are the luckiest in the world! They have their Mommy within earshot all the time.
Ah Jaime, that breaks my heart. They are so little and someday they will understand what a great job you did and how fortunate they were to have you home, just as you were with your mom. I love my children with all of my heart but honestly….I could NEVER stay at home with them all of the time; I would go crazy. You are doing a fabulous job with your children and obviously spend more time with them then you think you; look at your daughter already….writing sentences at 5! Keep up the good work~
I agree with your mom Jaime…You are doing a wonderful job. I think you do sooo many things with those girls. You are my inspiration to do more things with my kids as I work from home as well. I know you cram more into a day for those kids than some people would in a week.
Hang in there.
Love ya
Sherry
The kids do not realize how much they can hurt you. When my oldest child first yelled at me “I HATE YOU!!” and I knew he meant it right then my heart fell on the floor in a million pieces. However, remember this too shall pass and all too soon they are graduating from high school and having adventures on their own. When I am having a rough day I go back to the quote from Mother Teresa which states:
“Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put into that action.”
Keep going. The play breaks sound like the perfect start. You are a wonderful person, hang on
Cheryl
The love coming in from your comments is overwhelming. Thank you all so much for not only taking the time to read my ramblings but to comment. I truly appreciate it. Thank you!
Never ever doubt the wonderful sacrifice you made to be home with your babies!
Far better to be a stay at home working mom and witness all their “firsts” as opposed to the daycare witnessing them.
So many ladies I work would love to have the great priveledge (?sp) that you have had, so shrug it off and keep being the wonderful mom and provider that you are.
The little girls are just that, little girls… in their world of childhood, its all about them. As they age they realize how wonderful it was to have MOM home all with them.
Love you and have a great day!
Excuse the grammar and typo’s in that comment…My last line should have read….
As they age they will realize how wonderful it was to have mom home with them all the time.
Jaime,
You are a wonderful mother and it is amazing that you do get to be home with them all the time. I agree with Darrell that most moms would love to be where you are right now including my myself…home with our kids.
Your children will definately realize it when they get older and see how lucky they were to have you home.
hugs
Oh, Jaime Lee
Moms can only do the best they can. I commend you for making the choices you did – I cherish having spent Cameron’s first 6 years with him and wish I did the same with Austin – even my part time working is tough at times.
Your girls will understand when they are older just what you have done for them by being able to spend you days with them if not always playing. Being able to is a wonderful gift that they will someday really appreciate and I bet they will tell you that they want to be at least 1/2 the mother that you are. *hugs*
This is a good time of year to rent one of those creatures, often referred to as a teenager. Boys can be more fun than girls and a real change of pace. A boy to take them to the playground or on an explore followed by a few runs through the sprinkler can buy you a couple of completely uninterrupted hours.
Casey can’t imagine why you wouldn’t want to play all the time, but if that’s all you did, you wouldn’t be you.
As you know, I work outside the home. My girls go to a sitter. They love our sitter and she has become part of our family. It doesn’t change the fact though that there are days when Charlie’s eyes well up when it’s time for Mommy to go to work. She asks why I have to go to work and pleads to come with me. It’s heartbreaking because I’d love to spend the day with her. Saturday’s and Sunday’s have been dubbed “Family Days” in our house and Charlie is always counting down the days to family days. I’m not in the position to be home with the girls each day but I do my best to create fun memories with them during family days. I hope that these are days they’ll remember when they get older and not that Mommy had to go to work each day.
You’re doing a great job Jaime. Don’t be too hard on yourself.